Friday the 13th 4K 2009

A motley group of equally stupid young people, having parked their Chrysler in the woods, find themselves at a country cottage near the infamous “Crystal Lake” camp - the place where a couple of years ago a grief-stricken mother committed a massacre and another group of campers disappeared for about a month. The brother of one of the girls who never returned is driving around with search flyers on a funny motorcycle, the sheriff is inactive, and the local old ladies are hissing through the door: “He doesn't like tourists”. Who he likes, it becomes clear soon enough. When the drunken busty girl takes off her bra and the guy pulls down the fly of his jeans, he appears behind their backs as a huge black shadow - a strong man in a leather coat, Jason Voorhees, holding not a knife or a chainsaw, but a real machete.

The fact that the golden boy of Hollywood Michael “bang-bang-bang-bang” Bay, very successfully revived in the format of puffing giant budgets horror movie best examples of the 70's “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and “The Amityville Horror”, will soon take up the reboot of “Friday the 13th”, it seemed a matter of a short time. That he would once again bring in the writer of 2003's brilliant “Carnage,” clipmaker Nispel, as director was essentially, well, you could have guessed that fact, too. Nevertheless, they succeeded; the fresh remake sparks and fountains like no other. If remade in the genre of psychological thriller modern version of Tobe Hooper's film caused dissatisfaction in other skeptics-commentators (where is it seen that in a movie with the title “Chainsaw Massacre” was not the massacre itself?), then friendly, made with great love for the traditions of the series “Friday the 13th” should more or less like everyone.

As a matter of fact, the new movie is a speedy remake of the entire series at once. Pamela Voorhees, who is the main heroine of the first part, here solemnly appears in the beginning, in a modest five-minute role. Jason himself walks for the first half an hour with a potato sack on his head and in exactly the same clothes as from the second tape, and then finds the very hockey goalie mask, which he first tried on, it seems, in the third series and since then never took off, having fallen in love with it. The murders, unexpected moments, the best scenes, including the legendary diving out of the Crystal Lake - everything is re-shot, as they say, close to the text. The authors of the movie reproduced even the longest introduction in the history of cinema: up to the credits with the names of the creators of the picture and actors from the beginning of the picture takes about 20 minutes - it seems to be a trifle, but for the fan as a sweet syrup on the soul.

However, it should be remembered that “Friday the 13th” is probably the most formulaic and straightforward horror series in the world. The group of teenagers is rapidly dwindling, and all the murders take place on an elementary level: someone is hung on hooks, someone is pierced through the head with an arrow, and the third is set on fire with a flaming torch. But this is even better: death here is not a reason to be horrified or to laugh, but a pleasant tribute to someone else's routine. After all, Jason entered the pantheon of movie villains not because he is a charismatic man in a mask (the big man from “Halloween” will be more interesting) and not only because he has a memorable outfit. But mainly because Mr. Voorhees hates those relaxed teenagers, those fuck, smoke and booze infested jerks. In the movie theater, this feeling of hatred is triple: that's where your real clientele comes in, Jason, the giggling girls in the back, the guys staring at the pink beacons of their neighbors, the men munching popcorn and nachos with beer coming out of their noses.

Kill them all, kill them all - and we'll cheer for you! In the sweet moment when a sharp sword pierces another one's unreasonable body.....